4-Wheelers and Trains

A few weekends ago Canon and I headed to IL to visit my family. Jess was off to TX for a speaking engagement, so I thought this was a great opportunity to visit with my family. Canon was beside himself to go to Mom-o and Pops's house. I love that Canon loves doing things at my parent's house that I loved to do when growing up and have fond memories of to this day. 

One of the first things we did was get Canon on the 4-wheeler with my dad. Canon talks about riding the "bike" almost daily and asks when he is going to get to do it again. He was able to ride it three times total. I am not sure he will ever get tired of taking rides. After the 4-wheeler rides Canon loved petting the cats, seeing the rabbits, seeing Molly (dog), sitting on the riding lawn mower, and swinging on the hay loft rope swing. Canon is my little country boy! 

We ate great home cooked meals, hung out with my sister, brother in law, and niece, and spent time with my grandparents. Canon is doing much better sleeping away from home, so that was not a stressor, which was nice. 

On Friday Canon, my mom, my sister, my niece, and I headed to the St. Louis Zoo and we had the best time. Canon also asked frequently when he is going to get to go back to the zoo, so he was beyond excited. The St. Louis Zoo is a lot more exciting then the zoo he is used to, so he was in for a treat. 

The highlight for Canon was the train. He has really gotten into trains lately, so he was very excited to ride the train twice. He saw hippos, penguins, kangaroos, and bears for the first time. He also pet goats and a guinea pig. It was a perfect day!

We can't wait until our next visit!

Love him

Playing catch up

I haven't blogged too much this month and there are a few events worthy of blogging about (mainly for my memory). 

• We took Canon to the Nashville Zoo on February 18th. Canon asks us all the time to go back to the zoo, so we found a warmer day and we headed to the zoo. The elephants, giraffes, and meerkats are always a highlight for Canon as far as the animals go. We always ride the carousel and the train. Canon is really into trains right now, so riding the train was a big deal! We had a great family day. 

• For Valentine's Day we treated ourselves to the Lady Antebellum Concert. We both really like their music, so this was a perfect concert for us. Jess's parent's watched Canon while we headed out to dinner and the concert. We had a great time and the concert was so worth our time and money! Thompson Square, Darius Rucker, Lady Antebellum, Luke Bryan, and Sara Evans all performed. 

• On March 8th Jess had sinus surgery. For some reason I was very anxious for his surgery (that isn't rare at all really). I am working on it people. :) He did well through the surgery, but had a hard time recovering. Everyone we know that has had the surgery had a rough time during the first few weeks post surgery. My mom came to stay with us for a few days to be an extra set of hands. He is now doing well, but not sure the surgery has worked the way we would have liked it to. We'll see. 

• Canon rode a horse for the first time. Unfortunately I do not have any pictures. Hoping to get some from a friend soon. We went out to a local stable to watch a friend go riding. I thought Canon would enjoy watching her ride and just being outside since it was a gorgeous afternoon. They asked if Canon wanted to sit on the horse and Canon said he did, so I sat him up there and he loved it. Before you know it he was riding the horse around the ring for 20 minutes. Five months back on his birthday we tried to put him on a pony and he flipped out, so I was elated that he was so comfortable on this big horse. He did not want to stop rididng. He even fed the horse carrots. He is my country boy and that makes me very happy! :) 

 Hoping I will stay caught up on blogging for a while. 

Healing

Having things that remind me of Will, making traditions that include Will, and helping others is a part of my grieving and healing process. I absolutely love going into Hobby Lobby because they always have pinwheels. That is our thing that reminds us of Will. I seriously smile going down the aisles and thank God while I am in the aisles for the little things that He gives me that remind me of Will. Christmas and Will's first birthday were a little easier because we started some traditions and I know I will look forward to those traditions every year. 

And now we have started something that I hope will turn into more. As I had said in an earlier post we asked family and friends to bring donations (hats, booties, blankets, outfits) to honor Will for his first birthday. Well two weeks ago we took those donations to the hospital where we had Will. They had asked me to wash all of the items, so I did that and tried to put them into complete sets (outfit, blanket, and hat or booties). I wanted to make sure they stayed together, so I wrapped them in ribbon and labeled them using some precious paper that a sweet friend gave us shortly after Will died. 

I had been talking to a nurse manager at the hospital on the phone for a few weeks about what we wanted to do, so we set a date and we headed to the hospital for the first time since we had said goodbye to Will. I was so nervous to go back. As we were parking in the parking garage my thoughts flooded back to how I felt when I left the hospital empty handed. As soon as we walked in I was fine and I was just excited to hand over the items. We also had brought cookies, a veggie tray, and fruit for the nurses to say thank you for all they did for us and for other families. 

Debbie, the nurse manager came to meet us and after talking for a while we were able to go to two of the wings we stayed. Jess pointed to the rooms where we stayed, but I could not remember. It just so happens that my favorite doctor (maternal fetal specialist) was on the wing, so we got to speak to him! We have so much respect for him and are so thankful for everything he did for us, so it was so wonderful to be able to thank him again a year later. We then headed to the labor and delivery wing and were able to deliver the snacks and donations personally to the nurses. We were also able to talk to a few other people about ways we could help out and possibly get a few things started. They all seemed so excited, so that of course made me excited! I am looking forward to what could get started. 

This was such a healing time for us to go the hospital (Canon was also with us)! Jess and I both were pleasantly surprised about how much time everyone spent with us and the reaction we were given. I felt very validated and that means so much to grieving parents.

Most of the donations before they were packed up. 

We hope to do this every year on Will's birthday. 

February 6th

On Will's actual first birthday/anniversary we had a family day. Jess was able to take the day off, so it was nice to be together as a family. For Canon's 2nd birthday we took him to go get a donut on his birthday, so we decided to go get donuts in honor of Will's birthday. It kind of ended up being a bust because the donut place we went to for C's birthday was closed for the day, so we ended up going to another local shop, but the donuts weren't near as good. After donuts we headed to buy balloons. We always buy one balloon Canon can let go and watch in the sky. We also let him pick one out he wanted to take home. After balloons we headed out to the cemetery. 

Here are the paper pinwheels we had everyone sign. I took a few pictures before we decorated his grave.

Will's grave

We had about 27 paper pinwheels signed to set out!

After the cemetery we headed home for lunch and naps. 

After naps we headed out to Cheddars for dinner. We had a nice day remembering our sweet Will!

(See post below about the get-together we had in Will's honor)

Honoring William Thomas

As most of you know, Will's first birthday/anniversary was on Monday, February 6th. For about six months we had been thinking about what we wanted to do to honor Will for his first birthday. Jess and I had discussed different options, but I knew I wanted family and pinwheels to be involved. We also knew we wanted family to come in to town to help us celebrate. I also wanted it to be a time of joy, not sadness. 

So, we decided to have a get-together at our house in honor of Will the Saturday before his first birthday. About four weeks before the get-together I wanted to call it off. I was having a hard time with Christmas being over with and finding joy that Will wasn't with us. Jess strongly advised me to go ahead and plan it, so I took his advice. At this point I knew exactly what I wanted the get-together to look like, so I slowly got started on it. We also were given advice to make the get-together small due to not knowing how emotional we wold be.

A week later after my, I don't want to do this anymore slump, I found some fun scrapbook paper and got started on making paper pinwheels for people to take home and for decorating Will's grave. Once I got started on making the pinwheels I really got into it and was super excited about the get-together! 

Another aspect of the gathering I was excited about was asking guests to donate a blanket, outfit, hat, or booties for Jess and I to donate to the hospital where Will was born.
Quick story - On the day Will was born we had no idea we would be having an emergency c-section that day. We thought I would carry him for 10 to 12 more weeks. So, when I was getting prepped for the c-section (which happened very quickly) I panicked because I didn't have an outfit for Will to wear. I wanted him to have the perfect outfit, blanket, hat, and booties, but I didn't it. When Will was born they of course wrapped him up in hospital blankets and put a hat on him. Then after Will died the nurses put him in an white outfit and wrapped him in a sweet blue blanket. Come to find out a lot of the nurses and volunteers from churches donate or make clothing and blankets for these type of situations. Because we were so blessed by this, we want to donate items every year in Will's honor. We want other families to be blessed and have that burden lifted. I talked to the nurse manager and she is really excited about us doing this! She was such a sweetheart and we are meeting with her next week to drop off the baby items. 

So the day came to have our get-together to honor Will. I was calm and excited to see family and my childhood best friend. The day was perfect. Everyone was so gracious to come and participate in everything. It was nice to have family and friends there to help celebrate Will!

After everyone left, we headed out with our family to the cemetery. We took out some flowers and a few pinwheels to decorate his grave. Jess and I were saving a lot of the decorations for Monday. When we were at the cemetery Jess and I reminisced about Will's burial and how we couldn't believe it had been a year. What a year. It has been a year full of sadness, tears, heartache, joy, learning, becoming better parents and spouses, ect. 

After heading to the cemetery we headed out to dinner. I really could not have asked for a better day. It was just what I wanted it to be and more. Everything went so smoothly and I was so happy we followed through with it- Thanks Jess! I don't think we will have a get-together every year like we did for his first birthday, but I do know we will continue to honor and remember him all the days of our lives and do something special every year on February 6th. 

The pinwheels we asked people to take home to remember Will. We also want it to be a reminder to pray for and to remember those who are dealing with grief.

By the way, I love making pinwheels now! They are so fun!

We also asked everyone to sign and or write a message on a pinwheel. We took the pinwheels to Will's grave on Monday.

This is the donation basket. I forgot to take an after picture of all the donations that were in the basket. Everyone participated and that totally melted my heart. This week I have washed everything and I am getting them packaged up to take to the hospital.

My best friend Brook and I while eating.

My sweet first born! He was such a trooper throughout the day!

Celebrating Will

Today would have been Will's First Birthday! I can not believe it has been a year since we welcomed him and said goodbye. Will has completely changed my life. I think about him everyday and wish he was here with us. 

We have had a great weekend celebrating Will and honoring him in many ways. I will post about that later. Today Jess, Canon, and I have had a pretty low key day. Jess was able to take most of the day off, so that has been really nice. We started the day off by getting donuts, buying flowers and balloons, and visiting the cemetery. We decorated his grave with lots of pinwheels (post on that later as well) and flowers.

I wasn't sure how I would feel today. I thought I would get through today with flying colors, but that hasn't been the case. I have been pretty "blah" all day, but have really enjoyed all the emails, cards, texts, phone calls, and facebook messages. We have totally felt supported and loved! Thank you to all have prayed for us and encouraged us this past year. We could not have gotten through this year without so much support!

We love you Will!