Mission Statement/Purpose

For the last year I have been a part of a weekly chronological bible discipleship bible study. Today was our last bible study. I was the only woman in the bible study that wasn't from that church, so I am kind of sad that I won't be seeing this ladies frequently. I have learned so much about the bible and reading it in chronological order has put a lot of puzzle pieces together for me. I unfortunately got off track reading toward the end of my pregnancy and after Harper was born, so I am hope to finish reading the entire bible this year. 

Our assignment for our last bible study was to think about our mission statement/purpose for our life. This was overwhelming for me, but I thought about it for days and last night Jess and I sat down to talk about it. Jess reminded me to keep in mind what I want the Lord to say to me when I reach heaven. This was so good for me to do. There are many days I lose perspective on the purpose the Lord has for me. Some days all I think I am good for is doing laundry, feeding my children, cleaning, cooking, running errands, etc., but this assignment was a good reminder that I can fulfill my purpose even if I am at home rocking a baby all day. Also, as I was writing this out I kind of got overwhelmed with the responsibilities I have as a child of God, a wife, a mother, and as a friend. I fall short in so many ways. 

I plan to hang my mission statement up somewhere so it can be a reminder to me. I also plan to add to my mission statement as time goes on. 

Matthew 25:21

 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

I desire is to be...

- a woman who grows in knowledge and application of God's truth. I want to seek out, understand, and follow God's will.

- a loving wife who ministers to Jess and who ministers along side of him.

- a mother who raises her children in a God honoring way (patient, kind, encouraging, etc) and teaches them the truth of Go'd word. 

- a prayer warrior

- compassionate toward others

- use Will's story for the glory of God and minister to those in similar situations (through speaking, giving, praying, serving, volunteering, etc.)

There of course is so much more I could write, but this is where I want to start. I have known this is my purpose for years, but it makes it more applicable to me when I have written it down and have a visual reminder.  

I encourage you to do this as well. All day today I have had more perspective of my role and purpose. 

Grieving

After Will died there were months and months that went by where I didn't think I was going to make it or ever be "me" again. I am for sure a changed person, for which I am grateful, but I have found joy in the midst of our loss. There are still days though that hit me so hard, I feel like I can't catch my breath. Tonight has been one of those days. Whew. 

Last week, Jess and I had the privilege of having dinner with a couple that knew they were going to lose their precious baby girl. What an honor it was to meet with them. We went hoping to encourage them and we walked away being encouraged and so grateful for their new friendship. They were to deliver their baby girl on February 6th, the same day Will was born and died, but the Lord had other plans for this baby's life as she went to be with the Lord this weekend. The c-section is scheduled for tomorrow evening (please pray for them). As Jess and I read the news this afternoon our eyes immediately filled up with tears. We wrote them, but struggled with what to write. We wrote what we would have liked to have read when Will died. So tonight I grieve for this family. Tonight I also remember what it was like and still is like. It is hard. 

Lately I have had some hard grief over Will. Having Harper has been healing in so many ways, but holding her in the middle of the night makes me wish I would have had that time with him too. That is hard stuff. I grieve over what I missed with him. I grieve not having all three of my babies together. We are supposed to have three children under our roof. My two boys are supposed to be best friends since they were to be so close in age. Some days I take these feelings in stride and other days it plain stinks. 

Tonight I am holding on to the Lord's promises. I am thanking him for Will's life and asking him to use Will and us for His glory. I do pray for more opportunities to use Will's life as a testimony. I don't know exactly what that looks like, but I know He will. 

This picture makes me cry. This was Canon's gift to Will. It was placed in Will's casket. So much innocence in this picture. He hugged and kissed on this elephant knowing it was for his baby brother. 

I could write more, but I think sleep and prayer will be healing for tonight!

Four Months Old

This cute high maintenance little sweetheart is four months old today! 

We love you Harper Grace or Gracie as Canon calls you!

Four month post to come.

Let it snow! Let is snow! Let it snow!

Canon wanted to have a snowman party for his birthday (which is in October) and wouldn't let the snowman theme go, so I told him we would have a snowman party just because after his birthday. I decided to have the party after the holidays due to so much going on before Christmas. The closer we got to the party, the more we tried to amp it up. He woke up this morning asking about every ten minutes if it was time for his party. He also kept looking out the door waiting.

Canon has adjusted so well to his new role as a big brother and has been amazing with Harper that we wanted him to have a special day. Harper is pretty high maintenance right now so naturally some days Canon doesn't get as much one on one attention he (or us) would like. 

We invited a few friends and this is what we came up with.

The kids table. 

The dessert table. 

I didn't get any pictures of the food spread. We ate on turkey sandwiches, vegetables, chips, and apples.The kids ate turkey and peanut butter sandwiches cut in shapes of snowmen and snowflakes. 

Today it was 70 degrees, but it was full of snowmen inside! 

The kids played pin the carrot on the snowman. 

The craft table. 

The kids did two crafts - a marshmallow snowman and a snowman foam kit. 

I was surprised how well the kids did with the marshmallow snowman. 

This is a precious picture!

The kids had a great time with the activities and just playing around the house. 

Canon seemed to have a great time. I am so thankful for him and happy that he had a blast at his snowman party! I love my sweet wild boy! 

Harper's Three Month Update

Three Month Update

November 17th - December 17th

- Continues to love to be held.

- Still taking pacifier!!

- Still struggling with your tummy and colic during the first few weeks of your 3rd month and then you started to level off a little.

- Traveled to IL again for your first Thanksgiving.

- Cooing and talking a lot.

- Smiles all the time (when happy)

- Starting swaddling at night and putting you in your bassinet. Also swaddling for naps. You seem to sleep much better when swaddled.
- Taking one good nap a day (usually), the other naps are very short.
- Went to your first play with mommy and daddy.
- You fell asleep on Canon while he was holding you.
- Took a bath with Canon for the first time. This was also your first bath in the tub (Nov. 30th).
- Sleeping 7/8 hours during the night.
- Seem to prefer mommy over any one else.
- Did lots of Christmas celebrating - Opryland, Christmas parade, drove to see Christmas lights, went to Life Way Christmas concert, and sat on Santa's lap for the first time!
- On December 11th you weighed in at 10 lbs 4 oz (6%). Went to the dr. due to head being very flat on Harper's left side. Pediatrician said we would reevaluate at 6 months and if it has not corrected itself a helmet might be an option.
- Moved up to size 1 diapers.
- Wearing some 3 month clothes, but mostly still newborn clothes.
- Starting to be able to lay by yourself and be content!

Harper is such a sweetheart. She is still colicky, but it is getting better. We think she is still a spitting image of Canon. We are all smitten with her! She is a petite little thing, but I think she is going to have a pretty big personality just like her big brother Canon. We look forward to watching her personality flourish as she gets older and older! We love you Harper Grace!

Harper's Two Month Post

Harper is almost four months old and I haven't posted her two or three month post.

So here is her two month post 

(October 17th - November 17th)

- On October 22nd weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and 20 inches long

- Went to church for the first time

- Started making better eye contact 

- Very expressive

- Went with mommy to bible study and met all the ladies

- Your first Halloween. You rode in the stroller all bundled up while Canon tricker treated.

- Still in newborn clothes and diapers

- Holding up head very well

- Eating every 2 hours

- Loves to hold on to mommy's hair

- Taking lots of naps during the day

- Waking one to two times a night between 10/10:30 and 7/8:00. Still sleeping in lamb seat at night and most naps.

- Has such a sweet demeanor and loves to be talked to

- First rode trip with mommy and Canon to IL (you did great in the car). Met your great grandparents for the first time

- Dr. believes you are colicky. You cry from around 2/3:00 until 9:30/10. 

- Took a pacifier for the first time and now your are hooked. Canon is the one that got you to take it! He is our hero! :)

- On November 14th you smiled for the first time at mommy and a few days later smiled at daddy and Canon. 

- On November 15th you weighed in at 8 lbs 13 oz and you also slept 8 hours straight. 

- Celebrated Thanksgiving with the Rainer side.

Friday Confession

I don't know if I am having a hard time adjusting back to a routine, but this week has been tough. I use this blog as a journal for our family and most of my posts are about happy fun things we have done or awesome updates about my cute kids, but some days in the "Life of the Rainers" aren't so fun and not post worthy. 

I have been feeling very inadequate as a mom lately. The days Canon won't obey, throws himself on the floor in public, Harper won't nap, I forget to put a pull up on Canon during nap time and he wets all over himself and is distraught, I raise my voice at Canon because I am stressed, and I forget to put dinner in the oven, I start to question how good of a mom I am. Whew. Also, there are some days I have hard grief over Will. Yesterday I had to pray myself through the day. The kids were great, but some days I just don't deal with "life" very well. (I do know there are people that are dealing with major heart breaking issues that are far worse than what I am experiencing.)
Thankfully (and I mean thankfully) the Lord's mercies are new every day! 

Some days I find it hard to be selfless. I am learning this life is not all about me, but about serving God and others. I am so thankful the Lord called me to be a mommy to Canon, Will, and Harper. I am thankful for this crazy season in life, but it is ONLY a season and I am trying to do it as graceful as possible.

Now here are some happy pictures of my little ones.

Man, he loves holding her. 

Are you done taking pictures of me yet?

Canon's Christmas pajamas he wore his first Christmas.

Tennessee Christmas

We headed straight to Jess's parents after leaving my parent's house on Thursday morning. 

The entire Rainer family was able to come in and we had four days together! It was chaotic with five children, but so much fun! The older three kids played so well together. Maggie got a bounce house for Christmas, so a few times a day Erin would plug it up and the kids would bounce. It was a great way to get their energy out. Harper was pretty fussy the entire time, but again I had some extra hands to help. All the couples stayed up to play games after the kids went to bed. Every Christmas Jess brings the game and we all play. I love that we all get along so well. 

We had our Christmas on Thursday night with everyone. 

Here is Canon opening up his big present.

It's a drum set!! He was pretty excited. Jess put it together that evening. The kids had a great time playing it.

Opening up a new train to go with his train set.

On Friday we all went to ICE at Opryland. We did this last year and wanted to do it again this year. Jess's parents stayed in the lobby with the two babies while we took the older three kids in. The theme this year was Shrek. Canon threw a fit while getting his jacket on because we couldn't get his hands through the arm holes. A worker took pity on us and got his hands through. He was making quite a scene. ha! He was anxious about going in and when he gets anxious there is usually a fit not too far behind. After about ten minutes being inside he was having a great time and he did not want to leave.

He isn't enjoying it yet.

Now he is having fun! He did the slide three times.

After ICE we headed over the Opry Mills to eat at the Aquarium restaurant. After the end of the meal the kids were ready for naps, so we all headed home.

Jess's oldest brother Sam and his wife welcomed sweet baby Bren three weeks after Harper. Here they are in matching outfits. They were leaning on each other to keep upright. So cute!

The five grandkids.

It was so nice to all be together. It usually only happens around Christmas. Thankful for family!

Christmas in Illinois

On Christmas morning we all woke up excited for the day!

Of course my family was the last to get up and get into the living room to open stockings and presents. Even growing up, my sister would have to beg me to get out of bed. 

Canon was so excited to open his stocking. 

My babies!

My sister reading the bible before we open presents. 

Showing Harper her gifts.

Canon loved his gifts and he enjoyed playing with them very thoughtfully. 

Harper with her first baby doll.

Our little family. 

My grandmother getting a good look at Harper. 

We had a wonderful Christmas enjoying family, playing games, relaxing, and eating delicious food. Of course Will was thought of frequently through out the day and we wished he was running around. 

On the 26th we woke up to snow on the ground. Canon was so excited for the snow and couldn't wait to go play in it. We bundled Canon and Emma up and they headed out with Jess and my mom to play. 

Canon went out to play in the snow twice and loved it! I am an absolute lover of snow and I couldn't have been happier for him. It snowed pretty heavy during lunch time and I couldn't quit staring out the window looking at it. I even prayed it would snow around Christmas. Thank you Lord for allowing me to see snow! :) 

After Canon came in from the snow I made him his first cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows. He wasn't too much of a fan. Maybe one day he'll like it! I have so many memories of playing in the snow as a kid and coming in for hot chocolate. 

We had a great time at my parents. Thankful to be able to be home and have so much family time! The kids did great and Canon had a wonderful time! I was thankful to have extra hands with Harper as she is still pretty fussy some days. I was even able to get some extra sleep in the mornings which was much needed. 

Thanks mom and dad for making our time so special!