After Will died there were months and months that went by where I didn't think I was going to make it or ever be "me" again. I am for sure a changed person, for which I am grateful, but I have found joy in the midst of our loss. There are still days though that hit me so hard, I feel like I can't catch my breath. Tonight has been one of those days. Whew.
Last week, Jess and I had the privilege of having dinner with a couple that knew they were going to lose their precious baby girl. What an honor it was to meet with them. We went hoping to encourage them and we walked away being encouraged and so grateful for their new friendship. They were to deliver their baby girl on February 6th, the same day Will was born and died, but the Lord had other plans for this baby's life as she went to be with the Lord this weekend. The c-section is scheduled for tomorrow evening (please pray for them). As Jess and I read the news this afternoon our eyes immediately filled up with tears. We wrote them, but struggled with what to write. We wrote what we would have liked to have read when Will died. So tonight I grieve for this family. Tonight I also remember what it was like and still is like. It is hard.
Lately I have had some hard grief over Will. Having Harper has been healing in so many ways, but holding her in the middle of the night makes me wish I would have had that time with him too. That is hard stuff. I grieve over what I missed with him. I grieve not having all three of my babies together. We are supposed to have three children under our roof. My two boys are supposed to be best friends since they were to be so close in age. Some days I take these feelings in stride and other days it plain stinks.
Tonight I am holding on to the Lord's promises. I am thanking him for Will's life and asking him to use Will and us for His glory. I do pray for more opportunities to use Will's life as a testimony. I don't know exactly what that looks like, but I know He will.
This picture makes me cry. This was Canon's gift to Will. It was placed in Will's casket. So much innocence in this picture. He hugged and kissed on this elephant knowing it was for his baby brother.
I could write more, but I think sleep and prayer will be healing for tonight!
1 comment:
I am so thankful when you write a about precious Will. I truly regard you as a wonderful woman of God and your honesty in your struggle encourages me that I am not alone. I so long for a rainbow baby but in truth there would/will be difficult aspects of holding a new baby. It just reminds me that healing comes from the Lord and not a new little life. I will be praying for your friend my heart breaks for them. What a blessing you will be to them in the days to come. Praying for you also sweet friend.
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