I am tired...
I am not sure about other moms (and dads) that have lost a baby, but I am tired. Not only am I tired from all the trauma my body went through, but the emotional and mental part is taking a toll. There are nights I am tired, but I don't want to go to bed. When I was in the hospital and when I first got home I was staying up til after 1 a.m. I just couldn't rest my mind, so I would waste time being on the computer, reading, or watching T.V. Now I am starting to go to bed a little earlier. Even if I get 8 or 9 hours of sleep I am still exhausted.
Most may not realize, but when you lose a child (at least in my case) you are in a haze. I feel like the world is passing me by and I am not really quite sure what is going on or I am one step behind. I am always thinking. When I do go to sleep it isn't always a restful sleep. Every night since I gave birth to Will I have dreams about him or about our situation we are being faced with. I wake up numerous times a night, sometimes I am not able to go back to sleep for an hour or two. Also, I am going through all the hormonal things that happen after someone gives birth. I have the night sweats, then I get cold, then I am hot again, ect.
So if I seem out of it, unorganized, not making sense, or just look really tired please give me grace (or come over so I can take a nap)! ;)
As I was writing this post this verse came to mind.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Rachel
2 comments:
Praying for a good nights sleep for you tonight, and a beautiful morning of comfort and peace. We love you guys.
Kate Henard
Rachel
I know you don't know me (I saw your story on Libby's blog), but I wanted to share this poem. We had an early 2nd trimester loss in January and the words made me smile. I hope that you are able to rest again, I know how sad and lonely those nights can be.
ASK MY MOM HOW SHE IS?
My mom, she tells a lot of lies
She never did before
From now until she dies
She'll tell a whole lot more
Ask my mom how she is
And because she can't explain
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain
Ask my mom how she is
She'll say "I'm alright"
If that's the truth then tell me
Why does she cry each night?
Ask my mom how she is
She seems to cope so well
She didn't have a choice you see
Nor the strength to yell
Ask my mom how she is
"I'm fine. I'm well. I'm coping."
For God sake's mom just tell the truth
Just say your heart is broken
She'll love me all her life
I loved her all of mine
But if you ask her how she is
She'll lie and say she's fine
We are here in Heaven
We cannot hug from here
If she lies to you, don't listen
Hug her and hold her near
On the day we meet again
We'll smile and I'll be bold
I'll say "You're lucky to get in here Mom,
With all the lies you told."
(unknown author)
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