Life of the Rainers

Soft and Cuddly

The Friday following Will's birth and death Jess and I ventured out to find an outfit for baby Will to be buried in. We walked in the store and it was like someone hit me in the stomach with a bat and all the wind was knocked out of me. I wanted to run out, but I needed Will to have an outfit. This was the first time I had been out and could barely walk. Dr.'s told me not to go anywhere for the first 2 weeks of being home, but I would NOT be left out of certain decisions pertaining to the burial. Anyway walking into the store was a lot harder than Jess and I had expected. This wasn't a happy occasion to be picking out an outfit and everything in the store seemed so happy. None the less we picked out 4 different complete outfits and sat down and talked about which one was our favorite. We both agreed very quickly on the same one. We agreed that it seemed sweet, soft, and cuddly. We picked out the softest blanket I have ever felt and it was just perfect - soft and cuddly. We then were walking (very slowly with a few stops on the way to sit down) around the store and saw a stuffed animal elephant. It was perfect. For those that don't know Canon sleeps with a stuffed elephant (Mr. E) ever since we can remember. He loves him dearly. So we bought the stuffed animal for Canon to give to his little brother to be buried with. We explained to Canon what the elephant was for. Canon kept hugging the elephant over and over and when we took it away from him he just looked at it and walked away slowly. What a sweet big brother!

I washed the clothes and blanket. Some may question why I washed them. I would not put Canon in clothes that weren't washed, so why should I put Will in unwashed clothing. It made me feel better. It was really hard for me to pack up the clothes, blanket, and elephant to be dropped off at the funeral home. I didn't want to let go of them. I will never see Will in the outfit or see him wrapped up in the blanket all soft and cuddly and that makes me sad. I have to keep reminding myself that it's just his body and his soul his not there. He is in the arms of Jesus. I can't wait to meet him there some day!

Please pray for us tomorrow as we have a family graveside service. When I think about tomorrow it makes me sick to my stomach. Please pray for comfort and peace! Please pray for safe travels as all our siblings, nieces, nephew, and my dad (my mom is already here) travel in today and early tomorrow morning.

Rachel