Life of the Rainers

Can Relate...

I Will Carry You (Audery's Song)

By: Selah

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

[Chorus]
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

One of Jess's friends from high school, Erin Owens, sent me a book this week called "I will carry you" by Angie Smith.(Thank you Erin for sending this book! How sweet of you to minister to us in this way and for thinking of us!)
The book is about their family's journey on losing a child that was incapable with life and lived for 2 hours after she was born. Her husband sings in the christian group Selah.

I have already read a few pages of the book while skimming through it and can relate to so many things she is writing about. Jess skimmed through it as well and had read about the song Selah wrote pertaining to the Smith's loss of their baby girl and downloaded it. We listened to it several times the night before Will's service. I haven't been able to listen to too much music lately because it makes me way to sad, but I was able to get through this song for some reason. What a perfect song for the way Jess and I are feeling.

Losing Will has also made me ask a lot of questions. One is example is, "Is my baby Will really in the arms of Jesus?". My whole life I have always believed babies go to heaven, but where in scripture does it say that, do I really believe that now that it pertains to my baby Will? In flipping through this book Angie Smith's husband writes about this exact thing (which I found actually comforting). he reminds us of the scripture in the 12th chapter of 2nd Samuel about David losing his son (check it out). He said this gave him great comfort and I can attest to that as well. This whole experience/situation whatever you want to call it has really made me dive into why do I believe what I do and where is that in scripture, but most of all it has tested my faith more than anything. Some days or moments my faith is strong and then other days or moments I am begging the Lord to give me faith because I don't feel like I have much. I do know the Lord is guiding Jess and me through this journey for sure even though it's down right tough some times.

I have so much more I would like to write about, but it is getting late and I must make myself go to sleep. Ahh sleep is another issue. Hard for me to rest my mind at night, so I fight going to bed. Hoping that will get better soon!

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Rachel