Debbie Downer
This past week or two has been challenging for me to say the least. This post is just me being honest and open about my emotions about some challenges I am finding in motherhood. I know that I am blessed beyond comprehension with a sweet beautiful baby boy and I am thankful the Lord blessed me with Canon and the responsibility of motherhood.
My entire life (well the years I can remember) I have had tendencies to be negative. I tend to harp on the "bad" or "inconveniences" of life at times. I know this is sinful and is a struggle for me. Being a mommy (and being married) was all I ever wanted when growing up and is all I ever wanted as an adult as well. So what is there to be negative about?
I am a type of person that is organized and very scheduled. I like to know what my day is going to consist of and what time everything is going to happen. I am a very punctual person and like everything to run very smoothly. (This can be a very positive thing, but it also can be a very selfish quality as well.) So, all of you that have children know that it is impossible (especially with a baby) to have an organized/I know what my day is going to look like type of life. Motherhood in this aspect is a struggle for me. The Lord is stretching me and teaching me the hard lesson of "selflessness". Before Canon came into this world I really wouldn't have considered myself selfish, but now that he is here and I he totally relies on me for all of his needs I have been rethinking this. Canon is such a sweet easy going baby, so what do I have to complain about? The answer is nothing if I really think about it. Instead lately I have been choosing to be negative about Canon not sleeping through the night, or how he won't take a nap in his crib, or not getting household things done. I have been stuck on it and it is starting to effect my attitude and my mood. Stupid, I know! I have really been convicted lately (and my sweet honest husband has called me out on my negative attitude as well) about my attitude. So what if he isn't sleeping through the night yet. So what if I'm not getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night. So what he won't take a nap in his crib, at least he naps. So what if he needs rocked to sleep at 4 a.m. So what if the house is a mess. How selfish can I be? He is a baby, I like that he needs his momma. The Lord has blessed me with a perfect creation and there is nothing negative about that. I pray that I choose to see the positive and joys out of every aspect of motherhood even if it is hard and challenging. I am thankful the Lord is stretching me so I may become a better follower of Him and for "teaching" me to seek after Him in all things (even my child's sleep habits) instead of complaining. I pray that I put others first rather than what I want or how I like things to run.
Thanks for letting me be honest, hope it all made sense!
Love,
Rachel
2 comments:
I don't think of you as Debbie Downer! haha! It's easy to think this way as a mother though...like there's always something needing "fixing." I think it's one of our sinful qualities as we want to fix everything ourselves instead of just relying on God to guide our family, and help us get through the times that we need fixing! Thanks for a great reminder! I tend to be that way myself sometimes too!
Thanks for being open and honest. It's normal to struggle and I'm sure you aren't the only mother out there that struggles with the same thing. I have a tendency to want to be scheduled and organized as well so I know that I need to be praying now that God will help me to let that go when necessary and just focus on the gift of my baby boy. I will definitely be praying for you and I know how to better pray now. :)
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